DETROIT – Following a contentious trial that captivated the nation, OCP Crime Prevention Unit 001, commonly known as RoboCop, was controversially acquitted on all charges in the shooting deaths of over 800 black youths.
Though RoboCop’s actions in the four days the shootings took place were caught on 692,381 cameras, the assembled jury ultimately sided with the defense, finding the cyborg’s tactics “legally justified” and “within the bounds of law and order programming.”
Family members of the deceased and civil rights groups immediately made their displeasure known, with ACLU President Susan N. Herman delivering an impassioned speech following the verdict.
“This is a travesty,” Herman said, standing in front of the abandoned toxic waste facility currently serving as Detroit’s city hall. “Our robotic protector touts the mantra, ‘Dead or alive – you’re coming with me.’ It certainly seems when it comes to some members of our community, one option is particularly preferred.”
RoboCop’s legal team, meanwhile, hailed the verdict as a “victory for justice,” stating they expect similar results in the 19 pending trials RoboCop faces. The cybernetic officer himself was uncharacteristically all smiles in the courtroom, embracing company representatives and posing for pictures, until the discovery of unpaid parking tickets led him to execute one of the court’s African-American bailiffs.
Despite the ruling, further legal troubles may still lie ahead for Omni Consumer Products, creator of RoboCop. The company has recently faced accusations that its urban pacification unit ED-209 has been apprehending Latinx U.S. citizens and housing them for months on end within its freedom chambers.
Reached for comment on the accusations, a company representative said, “I don’t know who’s selling you that line, but I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.”
