Hello,
Thanks for your note! I’m currently out of the office and out sailing on my yacht! If you are one of my constituents, you will be happy to know that I’m currently busy out on the sea, definitely thinking about improving your life as an American. Please consider donating to my reelection campaign because I’d love to continue helping you, helping me buy another yacht.
Sailing away,
Vern Buchanan
R-Florida
Hello,
Thank you for your email. I’m currently out with my mistress because it is incredibly easy to have a mistress when you leave your family for a year and a half at a time in DC while you leave them in Arkansas. Not only do I love not facing any real consequences in my professional life, but I love having not any real consequences in my personal life as well, allowing me to have a mistress. I’ll be sure to get back to your email about your ridiculous ideas like “affordable healthcare” or whatever.
Keep the faith,
Tim Murphy
R-PA
Hello,
I appreciate your email if you’re white, but not in a racist way. I’m currently out of the office – definitely not at a Ku Klux Klan meeting and fighting for your agenda, the white agenda. I couldn’t possibly be in the office working on making America a better place to live today because of this perfect weather for a cross-burning. I’m not necessarily cross-burning currently, it depends on who’s asking. I will return your message when the smoke clears.
Yes we klan,
Steve King
R-IA
Hi there,
Thank you for your angry email! I’m currently out of the office once again sleeping with the NRA, the good guys with the gun! You can’t possibly expect me to actually be working when Americans are dying on my watch? What do I look like, an average American? If you are trying to get common sense gun control passed so weekly mass shootings can stop, feel free to add it to the large pile of those bills on my desk.
Keep gunnin’,
Mitch McConnell
R-KY
