It’s beginning to look a lot like flu season,
Germs in every store.
Take a look in the five and ten, glistening once again,
with boogers and tissues mashed in the snow.
It came upon the first throat clear,
that Christmas was ruined.
Last Christmas, your kid got me sick.
And the very next day I couldn’t get out of bed.
This year, to save me from tears,
I’m skipping your house
altogether.
I’ll be home for Christmas.
You can plan on me.
Please have Lysol wipes
and Vitamin C under the tree.
You better work out.
You better wash hands.
You better get sleep.
I’m telling you why.
Influenza is coming to town.
Silver bells, silver bells.
It’s cold season in the city.
Sneezes sling
mucous strings.
Soon it will be Christmas Day.
God rest ye merry gentlemen.
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember herds suffer heart attacks
right before Christmas Day.
Have yourself a healthy little Christmas.
Let your lipids be right.
Only then will heart disease be out of sight.
I’m dreaming of a healthy Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where my immune system glistens,
sniffling kids listen,
and they don’t taint the cookie dough.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas.
There is just one thing I need.
I don’t care about the presents
underneath the Christmas tree.
I just want to be healthy.
More than you could ever know.
Make my wish come true.
All I want is to dodge the flu.
