LOS ANGELES – The patrons of popular restaurant Rossoblu expecting a nice, quiet meal were in for a rude awakening Sunday night, as they watched in shock as beloved actor Tom Hanks slayed a couple – in front of everyone – with his razor-sharp wit.
“I had to keep asking myself if I was dreaming,” said Triston Marshall, who rushed into the street to tell passersby what was happening inside the restaurant. “It was like he [Hanks] just snapped. These people were being absolutely slayed right before our eyes.”
The man and woman had approached Hanks’ table, reportedly asking for an autograph. The Toy Story actor did the unsuspecting couple one better – he invited them to sit at his table, where he began mercilessly slaying them with his razor-sharp wit and jovial nature.
“They say to never meet your heroes,” said Melanie Briscoll, a Rossoblu chef who darted out of the kitchen when she heard of the slaying. “But this is something I never could have imagined.”
When Hanks was finished with the couple, witnesses claim he calmly got up from his table, leaving the slain bodies as he set his sights on a starstruck family sitting in a corner booth.
