Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, and it can be a tough time for people who find themselves between relationships. There are many reasons you might find yourself single on our national coupling holiday. Maybe you haven’t found the right person yet. Maybe you are spending time working on yourself and your life priorities. Maybe your obsession with QAnon has driven people away, as they just could not handle your need to open their eyes to the truth.
Whatever the case may be, take solace knowing there are still things you can do to celebrate even if no one returns your messages after you sent them links to two hundred different YouTube videos explaining the truth behind Pizzagate.
Treat Yourself
You may not have a significant other to spend the day with, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be pampered anyway! Take the day as an opportunity to do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Whether it’s a spa day, splurging on a new video game, or writing death threats to every member of Congress for covering up the army of pedophile cyborgs being kept in a bunker underneath the Capitol, take the time to make yourself feel special.
Cook a Nice Meal
Who says that just because you’re alone you must resign yourself to crappy microwave meals and ramen cups? There’s nothing like indulging in a bit of culinary excess, even when dining alone because your wife could no longer take your insisting that Ronald Reagan is alive and covertly working to stop the Illuminati from turning us all into sex slaves. Try out that new recipe and break out the bottle of wine you’ve been saving – it’s time to celebrate YOU!
Volunteer
If you don’t have a significant other to do something special for, why not do something for your community? Volunteering your time is a great way to get out of the house, help those in need, and improve your sense of self-worth. You may no longer be welcome at the soup kitchen after you passed out those pamphlets filled with your hand-drawn, very graphic depictions of George Soros fucking a pile of money, but there are plenty of other ways to get out there and make a difference!
Have a Night In
Alternatively, there’s no reason to deal with all the pressure and manufactured hustle and bustle that couples feel the need to participate in on Valentine’s Day. Why deal with all of that nonsenses when you can have a nice night in at home? Make some popcorn and binge the newest Netflix show, read your favorite book, or get up to date on the latest news coming off the QAnon subreddit and jump on the forums to discuss how Roger Stone is Jesus, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is literally Satan, and only Trump can wield the Tri-Force to send the aliens running our government back into space and trap them in the Void.
After all, this is all you need. So what if your family refuses to talk to you, your friends have abandoned you, and your ex-wife has filed numerous restraining orders? You don’t need them. You don’t need ANY of them! Your supposed loved ones were only hindering your ability to uncover the truth. It’s their fault, not yours.
Spend Time With Loved Ones
We’ll just skip over this one.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People
With the commercialization and marketing of Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to feel like you are somehow deficient compared to all those happy people in relationships. But this is the wrong way to think about it. You should never judge yourself by what others have, but by what YOU have. And you have the truth. Only you know that Adam Schiff is actually a reptilian Man-Bear-Pig, and that our government is secretly funded by dark money funneling in from the Happy Meal toys black market.
Sure, other people may enjoy date nights with their lovers, but they are sheeple. They are blind to the obvious truths that have been declared by random strangers online with absolutely no evidence to back them up. Remember that you are superior in your ability to accept information without challenging its validity or thinking through it logically.
You may be single this Valentine’s Day, but hey, you are still you.