1. Avoid gatherings of ten people or more, such as recitals, baseball games, graduations, etc.
2. Younger generations pose a great health risk to older, more vulnerable populations. So the birthday card you send once a decade is fine.
3. Do not go into the office to work. You have likely been practicing this measure for years.
4. Limit your in-person contact to essential services and loved ones. Like Mindy, the woman you met last Friday at the Applebee’s bar.
5. Avoid sharing things like towels or utensils or notions of togetherness.
6. Flatten the curve. Unless those curves belong to Mindy.
7. Establish a routine. Then immediately disregard it in favor of impulsive pleasure.
8. Prepare to make financial concessions, like Old Grand-Dad over Jack Daniel’s. If this is impractical or impossible, download Instagram and DM your kids for money (they’re salaried).
9. Make a recurring donation to a worthy cause affected by the pandemic such as Brazzers, DraftKings, or gig economy workers like your drug dealer.
10. Wash your hands – frequently and for at least twenty seconds per wash – of your responsibilities as a dad.
