Today it’s the fact that Donald Trump just out of the blue decided that he would throw out the first pitch at a New York Yankees game, then backed out of it, with no one around him – the Yankees included – knowing that he was going to do it in the first place, all of which was started because Trump was mad Dr. Anthony Fauci got to throw out a first pitch at a Washington Nationals game.
That’s a truly insane story that will make your eyes pop out of your head, but that’s just one in a sea of insanity that has permeated the Trump presidency, and now that it is (hopefully) coming to its logical conclusion (going down in flames), I’ve come to the realization that there is truly no Donald Trump story too insane for me to believe.
I’ve read a few biographies on the man, mostly because I’m a pretty sick guy myself apparently. I know he’s obsessed with the size of his hands. I know he makes fake magazine covers of himself and tries to pass them off as his own. I know he likes to tell people he won a fake award called the Michigan Man of the Year. I know he’s got a plaque commemorating a fake Civil War battle at one of his golf clubs. I know he’s stiffed every single person who has ever worked for him. I know he constantly scares those around him with his presidential edicts. I know so many things about this absurd cartoon character.
And while he continues to lose his own grip on reality, there is still nothing that can be reported that would make me stop and say, “Wait a minute, this just has to be fake. Donald Trump would NEVER say or do this.”
Turns out another species visited Earth during his presidency and Trump insulted the alien delegation so much they vowed to return to destroy us? That tracks!
Trump has tried to launch nuclear weapons on no less than thirty occasions? Sure!
Seeing Trump naked will melt your face like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark? I’m pretty sure I heard that somewhere else as well.
There are only a few months left before the 2020 election, which gives us ample time to hear more mind-blowing stuff from “people close to the administration.” Not to mention we still need to buckle our seatbelts for more daily coronavirus briefings, television interviews, and presidential debates.
There’s still a chance I could come across a story too unbelievable, so insane it shakes me to my core (okay, that’s already happened plenty of times) and I refused to believe it.
But I’m not counting on it.
