Hey guys,
Have you been seeing this literal fascist coup happening right before our eyes!? It’s totes insane, right? But just because the central tenet of Western democracy is being balled up like a napkin Mitch McConnell just wet-coughed into doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun. Tonight, we’re gonna party like it’s 1939!
First, what to wear: Nothing too bright. Remember, we’re celebrating the encroaching totalitarian state Orwell warned us about! So keep it austere, but a little snazzy can’t hurt. Think the Third Reich meets David from Schitt’s Creek. And if you really want to get in the spirit of it, fake eyelashes make for a pretty believable Hitler mustache.
Next: games. Obviously we’re going to play some games (while games are still allowed in the United States)! First, we’ll play a round of “Find the Hidden Ballots.” You guys will all close your eyes and count to thirty while I hide a bunch of unaccounted voter ballots around the house. Whoever finds the most gets to declare victory (spoiler alert: I didn’t hide any)! Second, we’re going to play “Want a Pentagon Job?” and all you do is say “yes” and you get one! It’s super duper easy, so even Evan will get the rules! Hahahah, oh, Evan!
Also, I was thinking we could turn my writer’s desk into a makeshift podium and have a contest to see who can do the best impression of Mike Pompeo’s insidious, smarmy demon-chuckle.
Abby, I know you love playing DJ, but I’ve already made the perfect Spotify playlist that is just three songs: “The Imperial March” from Star Wars, “Die Hitlerleute” by Karl Muhlberger, and “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond, because who doesn’t love a good singalong?
Now, since this is me throwing the party, you know there’s going to be themed cocktails. First, I’ll be making what I call a Mussolini-tini, which is sort of like a Negroni, but with way more bitters to give it that extra regime-y feel. And in a fun little ironic twist, I’ll also be serving tequila sunrises, since, you know, the sun is setting on democracy, hehe!
On the food front, I kind of just assumed Twitter had everyone too nauseous, so I didn’t bother.
Alrighty guys, lace up your jackboots and get ready to swear allegiance to The Party!
Tonight at 7 p.m. Be there or be thrown into the gulags!
Bye!
