Dear Heavenly Father,
Please veto the democratic choice of the American people and install Brother Trump for a second term. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please be with Brother Rudy, America’s mayor-turned-bootlicker, as he tries to subvert the democratic process. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please let RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel find evidence for the baseless accusations of massive fraud she made on national TV. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please give Brother Trump’s legal team the strength to keep straight faces as they argue their cases in court. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I know it’s your will that Brother Trump be president. That’s why I’m having trouble understanding why you didn’t stop Trump’s lawsuits from being thrown out. May you grant me the wisdom to trust your plan. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I get it. The lawsuits were so ridiculous that you couldn’t jeopardize your credibility. Well, then will you please let our democracy be so broken that there actually was a nationwide conspiracy to steal the election? As long as it’s exposed before inauguration day, Brother Trump can rule our country for another four great years, right? In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.
Dear God,
You work in mysterious ways. So mysterious, in fact, that you chose Brother Trump to be president but refused to establish the web of Democratic corruption necessary to get him a second term. What am I missing? Amen.
God,
Why didn’t you just give him enough votes? Amen.
God,
Let me know if I can help.
Dear Jesus,
I don’t know what’s up with your dad, but I’m starting to freak about the election. Will you talk to him? In your name I pray, amen.
Jesus,
Any updates?
God,
If you’re not going to help him win, will you at least keep him out of jail so he can run in 2024?
JC,
He’s going to jail, isn’t he?
Jesus, God,
Do y’all even want him to be president?
Libtards.
