Gather ’round, and let me tell you the story of the first Thanksgiving.
But before I do that, can you believe these Democrats trying to steal this election with massive international voter fraud? Totally corrupt!
As I was saying… the story of the first Thanksgiving. It started when a group of Pilgrims, who escaped from their dangerous homeland, not unlike the Antifa-crazed hell cities Leftists, and sailed across the ocean on a very scary voyage. Not as scary as what I definitely found on Hunter Biden’s laptop, which, let me tell you, and the media won’t report it, but it would make you sweat motor oil down your face – trust me.
When the Pilgrims finally arrived safely in the New World, they had a lot of work to do. They had to plant fields and cut down trees to build houses. And my legal team has a lot of work to do, making sure all of these millions of illegal ballots get thrown out.
Have I mentioned 9/11 yet? I was heroic then. You know I was America’s mayor, right? But I digress.
So they chopped down trees to make cabins and planted fields of grain. They worked tirelessly, day and night. Even harder than I have, digging up the massive amounts of very real voter fraud that the radical left committed. They didn’t even let Republican poll watchers in the room. And if they did, they had to look at the ballots with binoculars. I mean, are you kidding me?
Finally, when it was time for the harvest, the Pilgrims realized their crops didn’t grow nearly as much as they thought. And they realized they weren’t going to have enough food for the winter.
A little off topic, but fun fact: Did you kids know I was married to my cousin?
Anyway, yes, the Pilgrims were scared they wouldn’t have enough food. But then, suddenly the local Native Americans came to the rescue. They gave the Pilgrims corn and helped them hunt wild birds and deer and taught them how to pick wild berries and showed them which streams were best for fishing and the Biden crime family has received billions of dollars from China for so many illegal things it would make you throw up in your mouth. You know what they did. You know exactly what they did. Being so grateful for everything the Native Americans had done for them, the Pilgrims asked if they would join them for a feast, to celebrate their new friendship, and give thanks for the bounty in front of them. The feast was marvelous and to this day, each year, we remember that it, and we celebrate all the things we are so thankful for: friends, family, good health, and, of course, presidential pardons.
The end.
