Hey dude, I just got back from the gym and was scrolling through FX Now on my Roku and guess what I stumbled across. A little fantasy action epic called Warcraft.
At first I thought, “There’s no way this is a live-action feature film adaptation set in the universe of my favorite MMORPG World of Warcraft. No, there’s no way that’s the case because if it was then surely my boy would have told me about it.”
Well, according to WoWWiki, that’s exactly what it is.
Are you kidding me with this, bro? You know for a fact my life is Warcraft extended universe certified. I must be mistaken, because I thought sieging Azeroth together over LAN in Warcraft III was a formative experience for the both of us. I guess this was your way of telling me all the raids our guild went on in middle school were bullshit and meant nothing to you? If not, maybe rethink your approach because that notion is hella implied here, bro.
You’re saying that the Orc home world of Draenor being ripped apart by mysterious Fel magic didn’t seem like something I might want to peep, dude? Am I supposed to understand that they made a whole-ass religious allegory out of my boy Gul’dan and to you that just seemed like something to not bring up at either of our weddings, bro?
Then, when it feels like it couldn’t get worse I find out it was directed by my boy Duncan Jones. My main man Dunny Jones brings Lothar, Khadgar, and Medivh to life on the big screen and it just slips your mind? Are you just pretending you don’t know I freakin love Source Code, bro? Are you just suddenly deciding I’m not the guy that put Mute on your Netflix watchlist after your sister’s christening, my guy?
Whatever, bro, I don’t know if you truly forgot to mention what has to be Duncan Jones’ excellent 2016 film Warcraft or if you hid it from me on purpose, but I do know that today you betrayed me worse than Durotan betrayed the entire Blackhand during the Mak’gora.