Earlier this season, Chicago White Sox player Yermin Mercedes made headlines after he hit a home run off the Minnesota Twins despite the count being 3-0 and the game being a surefire blowout win for the Sox. This has led to many sports “journalists” asking if the era of baseball’s unwritten rules should end, allowing the players to simply go out there and play the sport they make millions to play. Those journalists are dead wrong.
I know I speak for everyone when I say that the retaliation pitch Tyler Duffey threw at Mercedes the next day was uncalled for. What should have been called for is a lifetime prison sentence without parole for that scoundrel Yermin. Without unwritten rules, what does baseball have? Actual rules? Maybe.
The issue with unwritten rules isn’t that they are an outdated relic of a foregone era that have no place in the modern highlight-reel style of sports. No, the issue is that unwritten rule education is at an all-time low.
There are, of course, the commonly known rules, such as the aforementioned don’t swing on a 3-0 count, don’t bunt to stop a no-hitter, and don’t admire your own home run, but there are dozens of other unwritten rules that many newer players just don’t know about, which means they get broken constantly.
Here are ten in particular that I believe need to be upheld if we ever hope to get back the purity of Major League Baseball.
Rule 1
Watching the ball you just hit shows arrogance. After making contact, you should turn your back to the field and wait for the catcher to tell you where it lands.
Rule 2
Taking extra bases is the equivalent of committing theft. Always stop at first base regardless of where your hit lands, even on home runs. Of course, stealing bases after that initial stop at first is allowed and encouraged.
Rule 3
Never dive for a catch. If the other person hit it that far they deserve to be rewarded. Plus, wanting something that badly is really embarrassing and, quite frankly, sinful.
Rule 4
Don’t celebrate. Big catch, big hit, big win – doesn’t matter. Never celebrate. You aren’t a bunch of kids at a birthday party, you’re a bunch of adults playing a children’s game. Act like it.
Rule 5
When a pitcher strikes you out, compliment them on their great throwing. Likewise, if you get a hit, they should run next to you and compliment your batting skill as you make your way to first base and no further.
Rule 6
A player’s uniform is a symbol of the team they are currently contracted to play for and should be treated as such. It should remain spotless. Sliding into a base? No way, not in your work attire.
Rule 7
Similarly, losing your hat is the ultimate disgrace you can suffer on the field. If your hat comes off during play, you should flee the stadium covering the top of your head in embarrassment.
Rule 8
When one team has more runs than the other team, it can often make the players on that opposing team feel bad. It’s best to allow the other team to catch up, keeping the game tied until they end up beating you with a sacrifice fly in the twelfth inning.
Rule 9
Steve’s rule! That’s right – at some point in time, it became an unwritten rule in baseball that any player named Steve is to be legally married to the mascot of his choice, willingly or unwillingly. We don’t know how this unwritten rule came about either, but here we are.
Rule 10
If any player breaks one of these rules, the pitcher should then throw a ball moving at a minimum of 100 mph at their skull. If it hits anywhere else on their body instead, he should pick it up and try again as they limp to first. Put them in the dirt. It’s called the mound because it’s their grave. Remember, they knew better than to drop their bat kind of hard after doing well at the sport they are paid to play.