Hello from Tokyo! Are you excited? I sure as hell am. If they’d held these games a year ago I couldn’t have attended, because I didn’t exist yet. Can’t believe they waited for me. So kind. I haven’t had much time to learn Japanese, except one word: Konnichiwa. Hello to you too, Japan.
I wasn’t planning to attend because, well, did you see the ticket prices? Before they got scared of me and banned spectators, that is. Now that you can’t buy a ticket, I’m sneaking in, thankfully. I wasn’t sure how I was going to carry a ticket. I’m just a little bugger with no pockets.
Honestly, I’m a bit surprised the Games are happening at all. Kind of reminds me of that killer shark movie where there was no damned way that beach was getting closed on the holiday weekend, uh-uh, we’ll take our chances with that tomato soup-colored water (may contain meat, bone meal, and other byproducts). Works out good for me – hey, wait a minute, that wasn’t very nice, I’m not a killer, I’m not even alive, not really. All I do is spread myself around as many times as I can, like your old boyfriend. Do you call HIM awful names? Oh, yeah, never mind.
Cousins all over the world are tuning in to watch me on TV and see how I do. Inspiring! Officials are taking lots of precautions here so I’m dubious about my chances, but in the spirit of the Olympics, perseverance will be my steadfast teammate.
Despite my misgivings, I see potential for success. Athletes and coaches scream and cheer. And there’s anthem-singing. Yup, spit everywhere – makes me wanna sing my favorite song, “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.”
My best opportunity is if they keep using that six-foot spacing that initially got implemented, before better-faster-stronger me arrived. In some countries they’re too lazy to move those “stand here” floor stickers farther apart, and that’s been a boon. Maybe they applied too much Gorilla Glue?
If I’m not busy later on, I’ll file some live reports. But right now I’ve got to go – there’s a room cleaner I need to hitch a ride with. Later we’re going for sushi.
Bye for now,
Delta
