Help us at [REDACTED] raise enough bones to complete the ancient ritual needed to summon Eutheromn and usher in the Age of Nightmares.
We are beyond excited to share our project of bringing forth one of the most horrid manifestations of the forgotten era. Even more, we are ecstatic to make the next great servant of terror YOU! In order to ensure this important vision is seen to completion we need a large surplus of bones to be linked end to end in the shape of the sacred Borkragian hexagon. We are humbly asking that all the children of hatred send us the bones we need to make this event a success.
We can assure you that your bones will be put to good use. Everyone who joins our team will be able to see the bones they donate have a direct impact as each bone past the minimum required will make the horrible manifestation of evil stronger.
So send us any extra bones you can spare, be them those belonging to close friends, family members, or even your own bones! We aren’t going to be picky, as we can always trim and cut with a bonesaw to make odd numbers work on the edges and corners.
The only thing we do ask, and we can’t believe we have to clarify this again, is that you ONLY send HUMAN bones. We would like to avoid a situation like last year where the entire ritual was ruined because smaller bones we had unwittingly assumed were from a child were actually chicken bones. Due to this (and the massive influx of emails we received over the last year) we have sadly decided we are not accepting child bones at all this year. Please only send adult bones.
When you donate, make sure to put your bones in a large, well-sealed Ziploc bag filled with milk to keep the bones strong during transit.
Now let’s talk about stretch goals!
5 Bones: Bone Buddy
You will receive a personalized thank-you letter that may or may not reach you before the end of the conscious world as we know it.
10 Bones: Dabbler in the Dark Arts
You will be able to submit one request of revenge for the dark lord to enact through his mystic wisdom. Look out Dave from work, you know that last bagel was mine! You will also receive a graphic tee. Only fifty available.
25 Bones: Nightmare Enthusiast
Make sure one of your twenty-five bones is from your own body and we will ensure you are psychically linked to the other realm, allowing you to see the core of the universe until your sanity is zapped into erasure moments later. You will also receive a limited-edition enamel pin. Pretty cool!
100 Bones: Zealot of Chaos
We cannot thank you enough! We invite you to come witness the eternal torment rise in person, and even get a selfie with the Lord of Nightmares at our photo booth.
We simply cannot wait to bring this prophetic event to fruition and hope you are just as thrilled as we are. Thanks for being part of something great! We look forward to seeing you as we float through the unknowing cosmos.