Hi there. Don’t be alarmed. It’s just us, the humanoid lizard people living under the Earth’s crust.
While we are beyond excited to see the planet heating up and human life going the way of the dodo, we are respectfully asking that you try and slow down climate change as we are not ready to become the planet’s dominant species just yet.
Believe us, we are more eager than ever to rise from the Earth’s molten crust and start enslaving humanity, but we are just slightly behind schedule and you seem to be really on top of this whole ravaging-the-Earth thing.
The Earth’s temperature is steadily rising, and, boy, we can’t wait to sit atop the rubble of your fallen civilization and soak in the sun (that is, until the sun falls from the sky and envelops the planet in its eternal embrace, ushering in the end of conscious life as we know it). Those oceans are heating up and we can almost feel our sore scales soften in that boiling saltwater.
That being said, the preparations to become the amphibian ruling race are taking a little longer than we thought.
To be frank, internal Gorgazoid politics are a mess. We are facing unprecedented amounts of polarization and misinformation. Gorgazoid families can’t even sit through a single nest meal without biting each other’s heads off (delicious, but not the best for the tribe’s morale).
We’re just not ready for the commitment of taking over the Earth yet. If you could just give us a couple of years before you bleach ALL the coral reef whiter than a Kardashian asshole, you would have our undying gratitude.
So, please, take it easy on Earth. For just a bit. We are working as fast as we can toward our goal of world domination, but so far the only thing we’re able to manage is that one insurance company.
