1. Fall back on rooting for your other favorite teams who play fairly and deserve every win they’ve achieved, like the New York Yankees, Houston Astros, New England Patriots, and Harlem Globetrotters.
2. Rename Cameron Indoor Stadium “The Flop Shop.”
3. Use what little money you won by betting against UNC to buy a gift basket for Dick Vitale as a way of saying thanks for the decades of deafening, unbridled pro-Duke bias.
4. Kneel at a pew within the serene walls of Duke Chapel and ask God to forgive you for threatening referees at gunpoint before games to ensure no calls were made against Duke.
5. Sell your lavish home in Durham and move back to wherever you’re originally from so Durhamites can stop hearing about how much better things are wherever it is you’re originally from.
6. Reunite your old a cappella group and compose an epic new chant for the Cameron Crazies on par with those time-honored, supremely creative original cheers the Crazies are famous for, like “Let’s go, Duke!” and “Air ball!”
7. Hold your lips together and clamp clothespins on them until all anyone can hear from you is an easily ignorable murmur they can assume is just another rant about the supposed greatness of Christian Laettner.
8. Unclench your butt cheeks and stop making that annoying face.
9. Announce a solemn gathering amongst the tents of Krzyzewskiville where downcast Duke fans will commit mass seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) in order to die with honor like a masterless samurai only to not go through with it at the last second because you remember you booked a yacht tour of Gibraltar next week with Monty and Catarina.
10. Arbitrarily attach yourself to a different elite private university’s basketball team, preferably on another planet.
