Dear Short People,
The vertically challenged community has been breathing up my neck for a while, so I felt I should respond.
I’m not sorry. I did not choose to be six feet tall and I do not intend to condescend by bending down in an attempt to hear you.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand your frustration. I’ve got a friend who’s 6’3” and I hate his pompous, patronizing guts (and legs). Nonetheless, have you ever considered that it’s hard to be up here? Just this month, I’ve bumped my head on three doorframes, two ladders, four chandeliers, and a bird. My center of gravity is so high that whenever there’s a hint of wind, I have to crawl like a baby (talk about feeling patronized). And guess what? I still stub my toe just as much as you.
You complain about being stereotyped, but that’s not exclusive to the shorts. As a child, were you ever forced to try basketball? Are you unable to escape a constant cascade of queries about the weather “up there?” Thought not, and don’t get me started on legroom privilege – complain all you want about being trampled, but you were not given the short end of the stick on that one.
Oh right, I almost forgot to mention the vastly different standards you’re held to; what you lack in height you make up for in shit you get away with. Yes, tall folk have the God-given responsibility to be good role models and we shouldn’t take it for granted that y’all look up to us. However, if we had half of your energy, we’d receive enthusiasm pollution complaints from the police within a day and both of us know it. Just because you’re short doesn’t mean you have to have a short temper. But fine, go on with your yapping – no one likes chihuahuas anyway.
I’m sorry, that was too far. I’m just trying to show you that you should be happy with your shortness. I mean, I know you weren’t ashamed of it, but there are so many benefits and I want to make sure you don’t sell yourselves short.
(deep breath, which is much deeper than your deepest breath btw)
Alright, yes, I have tried to overlook the fact that according to Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, 3.9% of adult American men are 6’2” or taller while almost a third of Fortune 500 CEOs are. As much as I can bitch that the perks and woes for shorts and talls are about equal and pretend that this isn’t a problem, there’s no denying fact.
I’ll start trying harder. Really, I will. More shorts deserve to be recognized and I should have done more to make space for you, not try to invalidate your trauma. I know it’s impossible to ignore height, and maybe that’s not even the right path, but I don’t think having short quotas or increasing short representation in media will be enough, either. I don’t know what would be.
I’m not sorry because I’m tall, I’m sorry that I’ve failed to acknowledge it. Please forgive me and let me know how I can help.
Your favorite human beanstalk,
Kyle