Well, well. Look who bought a boat. Blowing your bonus check a little early this year, Ted? Hey, wait, this is the exact boat I was looking at! Typical. You didn’t even know there was a boat show discount until I told you. Hell, you didn’t even know there was a boat show! Some people have no imagination. I don’t need that kind of attention anyway, thank you. Enjoy having all the looky-loos coming by to kick the tires, or fins, or whatever. I bet you’ll probably have to recite the trim specs off literature from the manufacturer for anyone that asks. Also yellow? Could you scream, “look at me,” any louder?
Well, it doesn’t matter anyway because I’ve already started on my path to total enlightenment through my meditation practice. Why should I care at all? Right, exactly. It’s only going to cloud my worldview and inhibit my mindfulness to give this one extra moment of thought. So what if my neighbor has a kickass dual-purpose ski and fishing boat in his driveway? With this app I just downloaded I’m on my way to Nirvana.
“I am wide awake!”
He can have his boat. I’ll stick with transcending my consciousness.
Sure it has two 250-horsepower Evenrude inboard/outboard motors, a trawling chair, and 5.1 surround sound speakers. I’m sure they aren’t Harmon/Kardon, though. Probably couldn’t spring for that, could you Todd?
And so what if he did throw down for the extra 15k audio package? I’ve been meditating daily for almost three weeks now. I’ll reach the ultimate high well before he starts to realize that the material world means nothing, and you can only achieve true peace through self-introspection. “Exactly! I am better than him!” I mean… I am ‘extinguishing my delusion’ better than him! Making my way along an inward journey that will peel my mortal coil like a ripe banana propelling me into ultimate bliss and you can’t perfectly cold weld a poly-carbon IWWF certified wakeboard tower on that.
Yeah, all that is great, but he’ll never know it because you can’t see that I am enlightened?
Heck, no one will know I’m enlightened. No one even knows I meditate. Well, except my wife, kids, brother-in-law, and most of the people at the office I’ve been telling.
“But none of the people that work for me can afford to live in this neighborhood.”
Maybe I should meditate in a place where people can see me? Yes, as a counterexample to show everyone that comes by to see his boat. I’ll be letting them know what’s truly worthwhile in this world. Even the Buddha meditated outside. Do I think I’m better than the Buddha? Well, not yet. But I am getting pretty darn good at this. “Ok, here we go. Om! Om! O-”
How am I supposed to meditate with his boat in my face? It clouds my mind. I’ll call the neighborhood association tomorrow. I don’t think the HOA lets you can keep boats on the curb. “Alright, deep breaths now. In and out.”
Focus on clearing your mind.
Wait, what’s a better place than out at sea to clear one’s mind? Perfect.
“I’m out at sea. Om!”
“Watching a wakeboarder shred peacefully through the sky. Ommm”
“Flipping Todd’s bikini-clad wife the bird. Ommm”
“Chimes and bowls play on the upgraded Harmon/Kardon stereo package as I drift off to the ultimate level of human consciousness.”
