Hello loyal stakeholders,
Thank you all for coming to this press conference, and for allowing me the opportunity to address the scandal.
As CEO, it’s my duty to address these types of scandals, and I’m excited for the opportunity to put it to bed and ease any concerns you may be feeling towards our company at this present time. A time that is linear and sometimes circular in the way time can be. After all, it is relative!
Of course, being in charge, I’m totally across all things within the company. The comings. The goings. The in-betweens. And, of course, the scandal!
I hear your questions and concerns regarding the scandal, I do. And please, rest assured, we’re figuring out the best way to integrate these questions and/or concerns into how we’re approaching the scandal.
The scandal exists, there are no two ways about it. I look to my left and there’s the scandal, over to my right and, you guessed it, the scandal! It’s a big one this time, too. Bigger in every way. Magnitude and/or size, even enormity. There’s no sugarcoating it – this is a big one. And its size is due to its severity, for which it is great!
I know that things don’t look too good at the moment, what with the scandal and all, but we’re onto it! We’ve put procedures in place as well as protocols. Yeah, protocols! Procedures and protocols that will help ease the scandal, and with it, your concerns.
Many of these procedures and protocols involve “listing” ways and means in which we can approach the scandal. They’re in a dot-point format much of the time, but occasionally numbered! Some areas of these protocols and procedures are in bold, others italic, and if a point really needs to be emphasized we underline it too! I guess you could say that it depends on the context. I hope this is all making sense; it is very complicated, after all.
These various procedures and protocols are keeping us on track. They’re keeping us so on track that we can’t fall off. Think of the track as a steel railway. Steel is the strongest of metals. Sometimes shiny. Sometimes matte in texture. Always sturdy. A reliable piece of infrastructure that will push us through the scandal. The pushing in this case is a metaphor for the procedures and protocols!
Our relationship is based on trust, an interesting concept referred to in our protocols and procedures list on several occasions. It’s important to have trust in a business such as this. Because trust is the cornerstone of confidence, which in turn is the cornerstone of our willingness to address the scandal.
Don’t you worry, the scandal won’t disrupt business operations. Our output is currently 28 units more in terms of a percentage. That’s 28 units more than before. What are these units? To put it simply, the units are measurements. I guess a measurement could be considered a “thing” or a type of “margin.” Whatever your choice for the word is up to you. We’re here to facilitate, after all.
Our commitment to the scandal is evidenced in the way we do things. We’re workers. Employees with jobs and paychecks. We’re there to work in the way all traditional companies do. Employed by people with titles to henceforth be known as employees. That must count for something. Something – what an interesting concept I’ve just raised. Something could be anything. And we’ll do something to address this scandal, you have my word, which is trust, a cornerstone of confidence!
Any questions?