- Amelia Earhart: “My neck pillow, I find it impossible to sleep on the plane without it.”
- Vincent Van Gogh: “My Other Ear”
- Charlie Chaplin: “Have to say my mustache, this mustache will always be in style and I am so glad I have it.”
- Abraham Lincoln: “Season passes to the Ford’s Theater, my job is super stressful and it’s the only place I can put my head at ease”
- Shakespeare: “My co-writer Greg, he really does most of the writing and I hope he gets the credit he deserves!”
- Cleopatra: “Definitely my pet snake, he is my ride or die”
- Thomas Jefferson: “Liberty from Tyranny! I am also quite fond of a nice sweater though, especially when it’s chilly you know?”
- Sigmund Freud: “Probably my mom, she’s pretty hot right?”
- Nero: “I just started playing the fiddle and I’m loving it, I think I’m getting really good!”
- Schrodinger: “For sure my cat box, it’s all I think about”
- Henry VIII: “A son, I am sick of having to do both parts of the Who’s On First bit and I could really use a male counterpart to play off of.”
- Karl Marx: “A very rigid class system, I wrote a whole parody piece on how dumb the idea of socialism is, I hope I sell a ton so I can cash out and buy stuff.”
- Maximilien Robespierre: “Probably my leisure guillotine, it’s great for when I don’t feel like setting up my formal guillotine.”
