KAKARIKO, HY—A ruckus erupted in the west side village this weekend amid rising tensions between supporters of the region’s previous administration and their political foes. According to residents, what began as shouting at a local festival quickly escalated, despite this year’s low turnout.
“I can’t go out ‘cause I’m sick,” said one young man, coughing. “People say I caught this cold from the evil air that is coming down from the mountain.”
Community members awoke the next morning to find broken pottery strewn about their yards and rows of damaged shrubs.
Outcry over disease control policy has met skepticism, viewed by critics as the latest in a growing list of ad hoc mantras aimed at demonizing past leadership.
“Yeah, was that the kid at that one house you talked to?” asked an ex-member of palace security. “With the bug net? Cough-cough, Ganon sucks, cough-cough. That kid is a total non-playable character.”
Sentiments like this have been common among the former executive’s backers ever since his meteoric rise left many shocked. The triumph came in the face of allegations at the time that he was confining seven women against their will.
“I’m a princess—like a real princess, the actual kind, and still no one goddamn listens to me,” an accuser said, asking to remain anonymous.
Experts have pointed to high approval ratings from armed forces units as a key reason for the surprising win. One soldier remarked, “You can’t stay green forever, and Ganon would at least promote us.”
The promotions were part of the administration’s promised efforts to crack down on illegal trafficking.
“There’s a forest area nearby,” the soldier added. “For years there were people out there growing mushrooms.”
Criminal activity remains a cause for concern with locals. Some have speculated that economic conditions could foment the current political climate and in future generations create a black market for explosives and other weapons.
“Buy somethin’, will ya?” implored a seller in the region.
As the partisan rift deepens, staunch allies of the old regime confidently await the day they can emerge again as victors.
“We’ll be back, don’t worry,” mused the retired palace guard, smiling. “These people come out all sunshine and flower power for the Cataclysm’s Eve festival now while it’s a big thing. Five minutes later they couldn’t tell one master sword from the next.”
Then he laughed. “Sorry, main sword. It’s main sword now. Ask flu boy about that one.”
For now, others have wondered over what such a repeat of the past would mean for those on the margins of society.
“We’re a village of outcasts,” one resident said. “In one sense I guess we’re here in the same place as everyone else. We’ve just been living in two separate worlds.”
