Holy cow! David? What are you doing here at the YMCA gym?
Every day? Huh, yeah, weird that I haven’t ever seen you in here. Yeah, it’s been forever. What’s been up? Been working out? Haha, I’m just kidding. You do look kind of jacked, though.
Me? Yeah not much, I’ve just been working, hanging out, you know, slam dunking a basketball. Oh, I took up bird watching a bit. Just to get outside a little and-
What? No, yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of dunking a regulation-size basketball into a 12-foot-tall hoop lately. Just kind of one of my new hobbies. When I’m bored or get out of work early or something I’ll head out and throw down a couple of absolutely maddening tomahawk jams.
But seriously, what about you? What have you been doing for fun or to entertain a crowd of stunned onlookers at a local YMCA lately? Oh, are you working at the-
Oh, you’re still hung up on my dunking thing? Weird. Okay, I guess we can talk more about it. It’s not a big deal. From time to time I just like to get up there and posterize.
No, no trampoline. It’s not like a mascot thing.
A “Make a Wish?” No! I just palm the ball as I approach the basket, leap into the air, and then throw that thing down with some boom shakalaka. What’s so hard to understand?
Uhhh, I’m not sure. Maybe 5’10″? I haven’t measured in a while and they say you’re still growing at 32 so…
No, I don’t know my vertical! What does this look like, the NFL combine? What’s your deal, man? Why am I suddenly on trial here? You’ve been acting completely different ever since a few seconds ago when I told you that I casually enjoy a bit of leaping at the rim like I was shot out of a cannon and putting my goddamn elbow through that motherfucker.
Wait, do you not believe me? That’s super uncool. Why would I just blatantly lie about being able to yam that sucker? Honestly, kind of messed up you’d even insinuate. Shame on you.
Oh, right now? I mean, I should probably get going soon…
What was that? No, I guess it doesn’t take that long. Where would we even go, though? Here? I don’t know, I saw an older man shooting free throws a while back. He might still want the court. I’d hate to get in his way if he’s fixing his jumper.
Yeah, I guess there are two goals out there. Oh! Silly me, I didn’t bring a ball. I’m such a doofus sometimes. I’d forget my head if it wasn’t-
You brought one? You play pickup games after working out sometimes? And you’ve never seen me here? Weird!
Okay, well, yeah, here I go. What do you want to see? A 360? Euro?
A completely basic normal dunk? Okay, make it easy on me I guess.
Get out of the way old man, I’m going UP!
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Oof.
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Huh. You know, this goal seems high? Does it look high to you? Not regulation for sure. I bet if we could find a…