The undefeated East Lake High Bobcats kept their streak alive last Friday with a huge 68 – 10 win against Midrow Park High’s Stinging Hornets. The win was due, at least in some part, to an outstanding performance from East Lake Quarterback Chad “Bullzdozer” McKenzie, who scored 61 of the team’s points.
The victory sets a record for not only the Bobcats but also for total points scored by a team in their district’s history, making it the game that everyone is talking about. “It was unreal. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was frothing at the mouth.” Said current 10th-grade English teacher and failed actor Mr. Jenkins about McKenzie’s play.
Mrs. Hopkins, the senior precalculus teacher, was also impressed by the quarterback. “He just kept scoring touchdowns. No one could tackle him. Then after he scored he would kick the extra point himself. I think the only touchdown that he didn’t score himself was the pass he threw into the endzone from the team’s own thirty-yard line.”
When asked about what may have led to his insane showing, McKenzie credited a strange source, the school cafeteria’s rectangular pizza that was served that day for lunch. “Yeah, I don’t know what it is about it, but that pizza is the ******* best. Am I allowed to cuss on this thing? It’s the thin yet weirdly dense crust bottom, the cheese that all comes off in one sheet leaving only the sauce behind, and of course the squares of pepperoni the size of baby teeth all mixing in perfect harmony to create god’s perfect entrée.”
“Bulldozer” teared up as he described the pizza for another twenty minutes. It would appear that this was not the first time the pizza had been served, but it was the first time it fell on a game day. Bobcats linemen Chuck Metty said, “yeah one time on a pizza day, the Dozer hit Will Smathers so hard at practice that his parents had to come sign some kind of waiver saying they wouldn’t pursue legal action. It was rad!”
With the season looking to be the best in East Lake’s short history since the school was built next to the now-condemned nuclear power plant on the East side of town, I think it’s clear as day what will be served for lunch come playoff season.