As a gaming journalist, I am obligated to ask the important questions, no matter how much I don’t want to. That is why I have no choice but to finally ask: Why did RARE make Candy Kong into a sex symbol in Donkey Kong 64?
This is a game where every character looks predominantly like the animal they are portraying. This is a game where the main cast of characters looks like this:
I’ll note a few important things here:
- The only humanoid aspect of our titular Donkey Kong is that he wears a tie
- Dixie Kong is also a female Kong and clearly looks ape-like
- The Kong in the back right is living his best life and I should have made this article about him
Now, let’s look at Donkey Kong’s love interest and total smokeshow Candy Kong:
Why would they do this? My brothers in Kong, that is a human woman with hairy arms. Who made the shirt? How does she know how to speak English? Oh, and on that subject, she definitely has lines. Here are two of her actual dialogue boxes from the game:
“For just three coins, I’ll let you play with my instrument anytime you want.”
“Well, hello, Donkey. You just take it easy and let Candy tell you how she’s gonna make you feel real good. Why, for just a few little old coins, you can have my musical instruments and extra melons too.”
How is the game designer of this not in a maximum-security prison guarded by alligator soldiers? I had this video game when I was a kid. I am not a well-adjusted person. Coincidence?
This is where I apologize. When I started this piece, I wanted to answer the question, not ask it. I wanted to do my own research and present a funny exposé that makes this whole thing a fun factoid. Instead, I found nothing. I found nothing but my own conjecture that Nintendo and RARE said, “Let’s make one of the Kongs insanely hot and watch the world get a little bit worse.”
All my research did was force me to look at way too many pictures of Candy Kong. I’m going to go take a cold shower and throw out all my bananas. One of you figure this out and get back to me.