After 35 years and more than 13,000 performances, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera is ending on Broadway in April. As the musical finishes its historic run, the show’s actors, musicians, and technical crew are already looking for their next theatrical opportunities.
While many of them are optimistic about the prospects of being a part of a different production, the biggest star of Phantom is not looking forward to finding a new gig. “I’m pissed off about the show ending,” said The Chandelier. “Just look at me, dammit. There are not many roles for a big ass fancy light fixture.”
The Chandelier falls from the rafters during the show’s first act, creating one of the most iconic scenes in musical theatre. “Lemme tell you something. When I fall into those people night after night, I show incredible restraint,” The Chandelier said. “If I wanted to, I could put my full weight into it and actually kill ’em all.”
When asked about his prospects, The Chandelier explained, “It’s hard findin’ parts when got the dimensions that I do. I auditioned for The Lion King last week, but they wanted me to wear an oversized orange muumuu and be a freakin’ sunset. Geez, I’m not going to be a damn special lighting effect in the freakin’ chorus.”
“Yesterday my agent tells that he can book me for a national tour,” The Chandelier continued. “You know what? The so-called tour was for one of them traveling state fair outfits. They wanted to strap me to the back of a flatbed eighteen-wheeler and convert me into a tilt-a-whirl. No freakin’ way! I’m not getting plastic surgery just to spin in circles and be pissed and vomited on by a bunch of sweaty rednecks.”
When asked what his ideal post-Phantom job would be, The Chandelier responded, “I really
wanna get into television. I was hopin’ to get a spot on Dancing with the Stars, but I hear they’ve booked a piece of furniture from freakin’ Beauty and the Beast next season, so sounds like that’ll have to wait. I’m supposed to meet with CBS next week ’cause they said they’d consider addin’ me as a science teacher on Young Sheldon.”
After Phantom closes, The Chandelier is scheduled to sign autographs at Magnolia State Comic-Con this summer in Jackson, Mississippi. You’ll be able to find him at the table between William Shatner and the second assistant costumer of Stranger Things.
