There’s certainly a temptation for new parents to scorn tiny onesie snaps. I’ve been there. I get it.
They’re small. They’re shaped in butt-to-crotch-to-torso-to-(somehow back to)-butt puzzles. They should have been replaced by magnets already. And, of course, everyone hates them.
But this is so narrow-minded. Why rob yourself of the mindful practice needed to re-snap entire infant outfits? Don’t you seek the kind of fortitude earned only by skipping a snap and starting all over again? If you can’t build the intrinsic motivation needed to wrangle and re-wrangle your feral mongoose child, how are you ever going to be a proper role model? You love learning, don’t you?
And what about the exhilarating suspense of mashing sub-tactile nubs over and over again until you give up? At which point your infant springs loose her entire chest like a disco-era Travolta READY TO DANCE. But then she’s suddenly cold and her only path to warmth is successful snapping from you. Which you clearly can’t provide. Except you have to. And now the pressure is even higher; high enough to remind you of the grade-school adage, “adversity builds character.” Lifelong learning is something you value, correct?
Whenever you think to yourself, “Snaps require two hands, but I also need to hold this child’s leg in an unsnapped leg hole,” try going a step further towards the ultimate growth edge: human anatomy. You do want to transcend your physical frame through sheer persistence, right?
A lot of this goes back to why child clothiers use snaps instead of zippers and magnets in the first place. And I know what you’re thinking – no, it has nothing to do with cost. For one thing, they know the minimalist satisfaction of snapping something without sound or tactile feedback. Like the enlightened experience of gazing at a muted pine and eggshell cashmere playroom. Perfect emptiness. Utter zen.
Indeed, there’s no better cure for overstimulation than an infant clothing routine that’s four times as long as it should be. Just think of the brain-dissolving hours of solo screen time these manufacturers have saved you from!
So, remember: When you’re cursing your infant’s garment maker, pause and reflect on where you actually want to direct your anger. Is it with the designers who just want the best for you? Or is your rage simply a door to a new and improved you, one who fully understands the concept of growth mindset?
