In the Time It Takes the Smart TV to Start…
6,487 people fell in love.
468 beloved parents shuffled off this mortal coil.
Americans consumed 83,914 pieces of pizza.
Members of Congress made $4.9 million from their stock purchases related to forthcoming legislation.
9,461 chickens beaked out of their shells to experience for the first time the beauty of the industrial incubator.
Marvel Studios released two new movies and debuted four new series on streaming, including The Vanishing Adventures of Living Eraser and Forbush Man: After Hours Office Cleaning Unit.
Recent poopers had to triple-flush their low-flow toilets 11,645 times.
You can read this entire poem. Three times.
All You Want to Do Is to Plop 20 on Pump 5 Then Pump Your Gas, but There’s an Old Guy in Front of You
Good afternoon, darling. How are you? Good? Good. Yeah… Can I put 3-2-4 on a box? No. Yeah. 3-1-4 on a box. No. I said 3-2-4. Those are my numbers. I think I’d know. So that’s 3-1-4 on a box. No. 3-2-5. I play these numbers every day. I know my numbers. Repeat those back. 3-2-4. That’s right. Okay. Now I need 6-6-6 on a straight. No—stop typing. I’m joking. Just making a joke about my ex-wife. Go ahead and undo that one. Okay. I need 6-6-5 on a straight. Great. Oh. No, no, no, no, no. I need all of those on a 50¢ play. Not a dollar play. I’m on a fixed income. Each dollar counts. You need to void those up and do what I want. Okay. Thanks. Now I need some scratchers. I need a number 12, Two number 23s, No, three number 23s. And go ahead and give me a number 6. And a 31. How much is that all together? God, that’s a lot of dough. Better be some winners in there. Just put it on my Discover card. Here. No credit cards for lotto? I do this every week. Must be something new. Okay, here’s my debit card. Thanks a lot, hon. See you next week. Oh, before I go, can you check these losers? Thanks. Don’t worry, pal. Hold your horses. I’m almost done. Are you sure about that last one, hon? I was really close to the million-dollar prize on that one. Okay, see you next week.