Shocking news from Middle-Earth today as Hobbiton legal firm, Bracegirdle & Proudfoot, announced a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the renowned wizard, Gandalf the Grey.
Proceedings were filed in the Minis Tirith Supreme Court this morning on behalf of Gandalf’s four former traveling companions – Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin – who claim ninety million Middle-Earth Dollars in damages for mistreatment, bullying and psychological distress following the One Ring Scandal of the 1950s.
The lawsuit comes just weeks after the release of Pippin’s best-selling autobiography, Fool of a Took: My Untold Story, which made a number of damaging accusations about Gandalf’s wild temper, nefarious behaviour and risky decision making. ‘He was stoned out of his mind on pipe-weed most of the time,’ Pippin revealed in the book’s shocking introduction, generating public outrage that led Fangorn Footwear to terminate it’s billion-dollar sponsorship contract with the disgraced wizard.
Speaking by video link from Valinor, famed hobbit Bilbo Baggins welcomed the lawsuit, describing Gandalf as a “manipulative old codger who tricked me and my nephew into risking our lives for a cursed piece of jewelry, which he still hasn’t given back!”
Gandalf, who has not been seen in public since leaving Middle Earth by boat in 2002, has not yet responded to the lawsuit.