Meet ACTION JOE! The New Cool Action figure That CAN’T DIE!

Action Joe is the coolest new action figure we have the required clearances to sell!

He is a CERTIFIED good guy!

No, he’s NOT “from something!”

He’s highly battle trained and highly battle tested by the same groups that handled his high training!

Your sister HATES Action Joe, but he HATES HER MORE!

He has access to the latest innovations in high tech weaponry!

Action Joe has a complicated “THING” with femme fatale Beatrice Bloodshed, but does she really LOVE him or is he just another pawn in her TWISTED GAME?

He SUCKS!

He’s immortal and can’t lose a fight! THAT’S CANON! that’s his thing! Tell your kid he can’t lose OR DIE! Your kid can invite any other kid over and play with any of their guys and no matter what your kid can say Action Joe wins the fight! Even if they do that thing where they smash the toys into each other to pretend they are fighting and the Action Joe toy breaks, that’s NOT CANON! Your kid can explain that he still wins in story because the toy can break but Action Joe CANNOT! If the toy dies you can buy another one and say it’s the same Action Joe as before and the bad thing never actually happened to him!

Salute flag!

You can love him more than your dad! He KICKS ASS, your dad just MOWS GRASS!

He HATES olives on a pizza but can pick them off to make group ordering easier!

He HAS to go with you everywhere! He can’t stay in the car! He HAS TO go inside the grocery store!

Only the coolest kid has him! If you have him, you’re the coolest kid! If two kids at the same play date have him, one needs to PUT HIM BACK! I currently have him because you haven’t bought him! I’m currently the coolest kid! I’m 48-YEAR-OLD! I don’t want to sell him but I HAVE TO!