AP NEWS:
Breaking – Jesus reported dead. More to come.
E! ONLINE:
RIP JESUS! Celebs on Twitter pour in with tributes for the Son of God.
VICE:
We lit up a joint with one of Jesus’ Apostles, here’s what he had to say.
THE JOE ROGAN EXPERIENCE:
“Listen, man, this Jesus guy – sure, he said some good stuff and all – but when you go around turning water into wine, people are gonna want to kill you. If I’m being honest, he was just an overrated motivational speaker who had it coming.”
BREITBART:
A hippie cultist just got executed and his silly followers are all sad about it.
WIRED:
An inside look into the type of wood used to make Jesus’ crucifix.
NY POST:
“I had enough of his Holy Bullshit.” – Judas on why he betrayed Jesus.
KID ON TIKTOK:
“The King just executed Jesus and Imma finna gonna cry the entire day, like OMG, Jesus was the number one bae literally like how can you kill him?”
TMZ:
GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING: Exclusive photos reveal Jesus crucifixion was HELLA BLOODY!!!
GQ:
The Fashion of Christ – A close look at the iconic attires of the late Messiah.
NEW YORK TIMES:
Critics argue Jesus is dead – Mary Magdalene disagrees.
BUZZFEED:
An Apostle betrayed Jesus for 30 gold coins, and we’re totally here for it.
VOX:
Why the Jewish elders turned against the Son of God, Explained.
TUCKER CARLSON TONIGHT:
“When a drunk-looking hippie comes to Jerusalem, starts raising people from the dead, and labels the Jewish elders as hypocrites, you have to think about the audacity of this nation’s youth. Is this what we’re teaching them? The Court chose his death – which is the only correct decision, by the way. But just as you point this out, up go the calls for treason.”
