Height
Mile Time
Mustache Length (For Men)
I.Q. (For Women)
Quality (and Accuracy) of Tom Selleck Impression
Credit Score
Rice Purity Score
Papal Energy (from 1 – 100)
SBD (Squat, Bench, Deadlift)
Stupidity of Name (from 1 – Millard Fillmore)
Association With Know Nothing Party (the less, the better)
Role in Passing Fugitive Slave Law of 1850 (the less, the better)
Number of Teeth
Number of Facetious Remarks in Application Essay
Ruthlessness (from 1 – Tonya Harding)
Spice Tolerance (does this count as affirmative action?)
Class (Style)
Class (Socioeconomic)