Let’s face it, folks…water is not hot.
Muddy lakes, dirty bath water, Dasani…it may make up 70% of the world, but it needs a serious rebrand.
Well, the fine folks at Brita were tired of sitting on the sidelines. This week, they introduced their newest filter that is designed to not only filter your tap water, but also make it more sensual.
For five easy payments of $49.99, you can own your very own “Moist Maker.” Simply pour your unattractive tap water in and watch the immediate transformation from hideous H2O to alluring aqua.
Water is the source of life, why wouldn’t you want it to be borderline pornographic? One run through our titillating filtration system and you’ll be holding that grip and stopping that drip in no time.
Let’s hear from some early adopters of this life changing product:
“Believe me, I’m drinking this product in with all I’ve got!” – Magnus Berthold, Virginia Beach
“My mother tried giving me a glass of tap last week and I open hand slapped her.” – Irene Plag, Houston
“I’ve always fantasized about having sex in a hot tub; now I just want to have sex with the water in the hot tub!” – Arthur Ridgbeck, Denver
You thought Jesus turning water into wine was great? There was a reason they called that guy “The Bread of Life” and not “The Water of Seductiveness.” You think the Son of God would have walked on water had he seen how erotic it looked after a run through the Moist Maker?
If so, you can go jump in a lake. Preferably one that gets you bricked up.
