Are you sick and tired of being smart? Does knowing what’s going on in the world and understanding it depress you? Do you ever find yourself jealous of the happiness of dumb-dumb idiot people? Is the answer to all of these rhetorical questions yes?
Mmmhmmm. We thought you’d say yes. Because if you’re reading this, that means you can read. Which means you aren’t dumb. Which means you’re most likely very sad.
That’s why we invented Dumb-Dumb Pills. So you can now be as happy as stupid people are. Just take one every morning. And another in the evening, eventually making yourself stupider and stupider every day until you are finally so dumb you become joyous!
“Oh, the entirety of United States democracy is under siege by a major political party?” You won’t know. Because you’re at the park petting dogs that aren’t yours and yelling at pigeons and wondering if the fish in the koi pond are edible.
Dumb-Dumb Pills are very much not validated through any science or doctors. And if we are being honest, they are mostly just pills of dehydrated vodka, so you can forget how to read the news, forget everything you’ve ever known, and go about your day feeling happy.
So yeah, they are really just vodka in pill form, but if you take enough of them, you can become dumb enough to feel some semblance of peace.
We make a whiskey flavor, too! Also, they are filled with weed. And some other unknown substances. They will make you not care about politics, unaware of the latest mass shootings, and also probably make you become a big fan of Joe Rogan.
Ask your doctor about Dumb-Dumb Pills today.
Brought to you by Joe Rogan.
