Every spring across our great nation, thousands of homeowners find themselves eyes deep in the treasures of a long and productive life. Your three-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bath cornucopia, with the full basement and detached garage, is spilling over with the fruits of your labor.
It’s time for a liquidation sale.
Given your taste for high-quality merchandise, this should be a profitable endeavor. That’s the forecast. The reality is that you can’t spin straw into gold. The new set of golf clubs you planned on buying with the proceeds is appearing to look more like a box of golf balls. Let’s examine some of the merchandise and see why.
Inline Skates Size 10, Like New: Asking $5
Remember that spring when you were going to skate your way to a great beach body? Remember how on the second day you slammed toes-first into the curb and sent yourself skidding across the pavement? Remember how you spent the summer in long pants hiding knees that resembled raw meat? Ahh, the memories.
Selling price: 75 cents.
18″ Color TV With Built-in VCR: Asking $15
Most shoppers didn’t even know that this technological unicorn existed. Those who knew had never seen one that works (except for the incessant clicking noise when playing a tape). The weight alone tells you it’s a sturdy machine. Unfortunately, today’s programming is formatted for a rectangular screen, and the 32-pound cathode ray tube doesn’t do justice to the home-team colors.
Selling price: $5
Cassette Tape Collection, 46 Tapes: Asking $5
Your taste in music is impeccable, You’ve always had an incredible library of recorded music. But your need to stay ahead of the technological curve has rendered your tape collection obsolete. This is the 21st century. Today’s audiophile is operating in a digital format. So your newest component is a compact disc (or CD) player. Unfortunately, like you, nobody else has a cassette player, either.
Selling price: No sale – back in the closet.
𝘈𝘴 𝘚𝘦𝘦𝘯 o𝘯 𝘛𝘝 Pocket Hose, Brand New: Asking $5
Everyone has seen the advertisement. It’s a garden hose that shrinks to fit in your pocket. Makes perfect sense. What could make more sense? Two pocket hoses. Simply pay the extra shipping cost. Well, turns out the first pocket hose didn’t make much sense since you don’t carry it around much anymore, and a second pocket hose made even less. It was $8 to ship.
Selling price: $1.75
Compact Discs: 50 Cents Each
Once again you find yourself soaring through the digital age, and your CDs are a thing of the past. MP3s are in now. All your music is on a device roughly the size of a pack of Dentyne. Unfortunately, your taste in music isn’t as impeccable as you thought. You only sell five of your sixty-two CDs. And those are bought by your eighty-two-year-old neighbor Philip, who shares your fondness for the clean, folksy sound of The Princeton Trio, giving you another facet of depression to cope with.
Total sales: $2.50
2 Garden Gnomes, Used: Not for Sale
You never really liked them. So when a shopper saw them in the flower bed, pointed to them and asked how much, you seized the opportunity to unload the gruesome twosome. Your wife will understand.
Selling price: $3
MP3 Player: Asking $10
Who needs a device that only plays music? With your new iPhone, you can play tunes, gamble on the internet, AND text your new BFF Philip.
Selling price: $4
