I waited to write this because I thought this year might be different, but, of course, it wasn’t.
I am not an imbecile. I know that Santa isn’t real. I figured it out when I was 14 like most kids do. But for some reason my parents refuse to drop the façade, and to make matters worse, they keep giving me coal every year.
I am almost thirty and this has been going on for a decade. I keep telling them I know there isn’t a Santa and that they can drop the act but they won’t! Every single year I go to visit and my dad says “uh oh, son. Look under the tree. I guess Santa still has your old address.”
They wrap the hell out of it, I’ll give them that, but inside the box is just coal! Then my mom will be like “oh no! I guess Santa put you on the naughty list this year. Maybe you didn’t come back to visit or call your mother enough times this year.”
Then dad will add some form of “maybe you should have been applying to some jobs instead of writing jokes for your little improv shows. Santa loves jobs, ya know,”
Then I have to say “Dad! Santa isn’t real and I make up the jokes!”
So, basically I’m looking for any advice on how to make them stop doing this. It’s getting super awkward. I mean, I have three brothers and they gave all three of them $200 cash.