Austin, Tx – When Gov.Greg Abbott (R – Tx) decided to send dozens of busses full of asylum-seeking migrants on a one-way trip to The Big Apple, he certainly had no idea how inspirational the move would be. But the Mayor of New York City, Eric Adams (D), was taking notes.
“The governor believes that these families, who came here for a better life, would find that life here.”, said a spokesperson from the mayor’s office. “We have some people around here that the city council feels has a better chance elsewhere.”
That’s why the mayor had the NFL’s New York Jets rounded up and ushered onto a chartered flight to Austin, the Texas governor’s home.
“We think they’ll have a chance for a better life. We wish them the best.”, the spokesperson added.
Nobody in Texas was given any notice of the team’s arrival, nor were the players aware of their destination. “We were told we were going to Cancun. I was excited”, said Coach Rob Saleh.
The team arrived with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They were provided with a small bag of pretzels and a warm can of Royal Crown cola while in flight. Free headphones were given to anybody who wanted to watch “The Shawshank Redemption”.
“This is just a political stunt by the Mayor of New York. I know because I wrote the book”, said Abbott. “Frankly, it’s cruel. These players did nothing wrong or deserving of this treatment.”
When a reporter pointed to the team’s fifty-year Super Bowl drought, the Governor looked to his aides for an answer, but none came.
“We already have the Texans here. The Jets will simply put too much of a strain on our stressed-out Texas residents.” He added, “We’re already looking at our options. St. Louis needs a team. And Canadian League Football might be a better-suited level of competition.”
The American Civil Liberties Union has yet to return the team’s phone calls.
