The Mascots Are All Actual Animals Instead Of Costumes
They will still be on the field and in the stands having a good time. The Detroit Tigers ticket sales are at an all-time low. It is unclear if it is because of the new mascot rule or because they are the Detroit Tigers.
Every Nut Scratch Is In Memoriam This Year
Tommy Nutscratch, the pitcher for the 1936 Newark Peppers who originated the move, passed away this year after a long battle with testicular cancer. Every team has agreed all nut scratches this season are in his honor.
Getting Hit By A Pitch This Year Means Getting To Throw It Back As Hard As You Can
This year, when hit by a pitch, players may opt to take a base as usual, or they may choose to throw the ball back at the pitch as hard as they can. They only get one throw.
New Rushing The Mound “Hug It Out” Rule Is In Effect
When opposing players become mad enough to potentially fight, coaches must make them hug it out and apologize. Hugs must last at least thirty excruciating seconds.
The Chicago White Sox Have Been Eliminated From Playoff Contention
They are just getting it out of the way now.
Each Team Must Pick One Member Of The Other Team Who Must Use Steroids For The Game
Team strategy is more necessary than ever this year, as every team must pick one opposing player to be on steroids during the game. Mascots and bat boys are eligible.
The Kansas City Royals Are Going To Whoever Finds The Golden Peanut
The owner of the Kansas City Royals has hidden a single golden peanut in a bag of peanuts at the ballpark and has promised to give sole ownership of the team to whoever finds it. He has been quoted as saying “please find it. I’m begging you to find it. I’ll tell you what bag it is in.”
No More 7th Inning Stretch This Season
Instead of singing Take Me Out to the Ball Game, an old man will be selected from the crowd and given a hot mic. He will have the minute and a half to complain about the direction the game is going.