MILWAUKEE—A research team at the Wallace A. Reinhardt Medical Institute has begun clinical trials to determine the effectiveness of refusing to acknowledge potential symptoms of heart disease as a possible treatment for heart disease.
The trial is being conducted in response to growing testimonial evidence among adults ages 30 to 45 in favor of the practice.
“I was sorting mail one day when shooting pains started in my chest and up to my jaw,” said Patrick Lowe, 38, a Manhattan tax attorney, in a recent interview. “But what could I even do? It’s not like I have an emergency room in my back pocket. I’m not made of hospitals.”
Thinking quickly, Lowe improvised a course of action. “I said to myself, ‘Patrick, now take it easy because it’s nothing,’” he recounted. “‘Just don’t think about it, and it’ll go away in a little while. You’re still a millennial for crying out loud.’”
He added: “It’s not like you stop being young simply because you start to get older.”
It was later that the tax attorney again evaluated his symptoms.
“I finished with the mail and I realized the shooting pains had stopped,” he said. “Then as I was looking around the room, I noticed I was still living.”
In the months that followed, Lowe began to observe that every time he did nothing to treat his heart symptoms, they eventually went away. “It was literally a one hundred percent success rate,” he explained.
One recent survey seems to align with Lowe’s experience. Published in Propter Hoc Quarterly, the survey found that an overwhelming majority of respondents who frequently disregard sharp pains in their chest and upper arm identified as “not dead” at the time of polling.
“Numbers like that can’t be a coincidence,” said Dr. Wendell Kurtz, data coordinator for the Reinhardt study.
Now, Kurtz and his team seek to uncover the full benefits of detecting and ignoring early symptoms, with the main focus being prevention. He concluded: “It’s important for patients to know that so long as they take appropriate action early, there’s hope for a long life ahead.”
The Reinhardt Medical Institute has scheduled an additional study for next year to evaluate downplaying blood in your stool as a means for preventing colon cancer.