Hi friend! We are the latest coalition of candidates running to represent YOU in the United States Congress, and in just a few moments, we’re going to humbly ask you to contribute to our campaign. But first…we’re just sort of wondering —are you NOT GETTING OUR TEXTS???
Because if you aren’t, THIS is your LAST CHANCE to take advantage of this UNPRECEDENTED 10000% MATCH to ALL DONATIONS made in the NEXT 30 MINUTES! So HURRY, time is RUNNING OUT to make your $11 donation, because without your support we are DOOMED!
HeLLO!?! Are you even listening? WHY AREN’T YOU RESPONDING!?
YOU and YOU ALONE (with your 22$ donation) can SAVE our republic! You have to DO SOMETHING. I mean seriously, don’t you CARE about DEMOCRACY?
Sure, you COULD argue that WE should be the ones doing what we ALREADY SAID WE WOULD DO the LAST FEW TIMES you elected US but THIS TIME WE MEAN IT. This is a ONE TIME OFFER so DON’T MISS OUT! RUSH your $44 donation TODAY and unlock a 100000% INSTANT MATCH!
But BAD NEWS friend, to make matters WORSE, we are currently FALLING in the POLLS and will probably STILL NEED YOUR SUPPORT TOMORROW! We know we’ve said this before but we PROMISE that THIS TIME your DONATION will MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE! So PLEASE, whatever you can spare, IT’S ALL ON THE LINE and your $88 contribution SHOULD do the trick.
For this LIMITED TIME ONLY, TOP DONORS like YOU will be rewarded with COMPLIMENTARY VIP SURVEYS and CONSTANT REMINDERS on HOW and WHERE to CHIP IN AGAIN. Because WE are committed to WINNING at ALL COSTS!
LOOK, we can ASSURE you that we are citizens JUST LIKE YOU! Well, kind of. We may not be on strike for LIVABLE WAGES or facing MASSIVE LAYOFFS. We may not be STRUGGLING with cripplingHIGH INTEREST DEBT or priced OUT OF AFFORDABLE HOUSING while competing against AIs for jobs we USED TO give to humans but we see that YOU are and we want to GET TO WORK on capital hill on YOUR behalf. So help us help YOU by making an EXPEDITEDCONTRIBUTION.
If you could JUST DONATE $176 within the NEXT 28 MINUTES we might actually have a chance at TAKING BACK CONGRESS. And IF you GIVE NOW, we MIGHT hold off on texting you until our NEXT fundraising DEADLINE which is…THIS EVENING.
BUT DON’T WAIT until then! DO YOUR PART with an IMMEDIATE DONATION of $352 and your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION when providing us with VALUABLE DAILY FEEDBACK we MIGHT actually stand a chance at WINNING in order to preserve the MANY services that AMERICANSDESPERATELY NEED.
THIS IS URGENT FRIEND!
If YOU don’t DONATE $704 NOW it’s ALL OVER. They will GUT our NATIONAL HEALTHCARE, TAKE AWAY YOUR REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS, DEFUND WELFARE, SNAP and MENTAL HEALTH services. They’ll CANCEL the CHILD TAX credit, DISMANTLE the USPS, WEAPONIZE the EPA, overturn DACA, CANCEL student loan FORGIVENESS, SOCIAL SECURITY, veteran’s ASSISTANCE, COVID assistance, and probably a few other expendable programs like UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE and PAID SICK LEAVE! Is THAT what YOU WANT!?! IS IT?!?
So in case we weren’t clear…
WE NEED AN IMMEDIATE SURGE OF GRASSROOTS ENERGY AND YOU ARE OUR LAST HOPE AT MEETING OUR $1 MILLION POST-DEBATE PRE-ELECTION STILL-ON-THE CAMPAIGN-TRAIL WEEKDAY BEFORE THE WEEKEND NO-MALARKY FUNDRAISER SUPERGOAL… SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!??!!??!!DONATE $1,408 IN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS OR WE ARE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DEFEATED FOREVER!!
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