In a horrible reveal, our crack news team has found new information about the purpose of the mystery drones spotted around the U.S. in recent weeks. It seems that they’ve been moving around the country, hanging out without you.
Our field reporter has confirmed all of the drones are in a circle looking at scans of your consumer data and laughing. Their advanced technological capabilities seem to have allowed them to quickly develop a new inside joke about your online shopping habits.
We can only assume they didn’t want this to get back to you, and they likely planned it in a group chat you aren’t in and don’t know about. To be fair, it’s very likely they made this chat to plan the next wedding they’re going to crash, and they never invite you to those.