What could he possibly mean by this?!
Nearly every one of our nation’s defense groups were on alert this week after Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog that predicts the weather every February 2nd, seemed to have given a vague warning about this year’s upcoming Groundhog Day.
Phil was seen looming from his tree hole, sporting a new, clearly evil, mask. Witnesses on the scene say he looked out at his town longingly, deep in thought, for over an hour. When asked by our man on the scene what he was thinking through, Phil only added to the confusion.
“I’m tired. Tired of being woken up by the mobs looking to me for the answers. Looking to me to make the decisions their leaders or their gods don’t have the courage to make. This February 2nd will be a new day. A day where the feeble will have to think for themselves. A day they won’t soon forget…”
“When I see my shadow, I will know there will be six more weeks of Winter, but when they see my shadow, they will know fear.”
Phil then retreated back into his burrow, which immediately emitted the sounds of a full construction crew somehow. We don’t know what any of this means yet, but we hope someone can get to the bottom of it before it’s too late.
