“Flirted with a man sitting next to me on the tube yesterday. Finally he woke up.”
“The price of Metamucil is out of control.”
“Remember those physical features I was self-conscious about? Wish I had them back.”
“I don’t remember having to rest my elbows on the sink while washing the dishes before.”
“Another long hair. Just gonna tuck it into my bra.”
“A man at work objectified me today. I sent him a thank-you email.”
“Why do I own a shoebox full of old receipts?”
“Ian was right, I do like the smell of a hardware store.”
“Just learned a Tik Tok dance. They say I’ll be out of the hospital by Wednesday.”
“Just when I learned how to juggle boyfriends, they took away all my balls.”
“You think Sandra Bullock would put up with a trailer this cramped and small? I don’t think so!”
“This time I’m asking for gross points up front. Screw net.”