Subject: Out of Office Until [?]
Amazon Human Resources
3/30/25
RTO policy question
Hello Cheryl,
I hope you are having a pleasant start to your week! I am just contacting you for clarity on the new return to work policy. I am in the process of being abducted, which I believe falls in a “gray area” between sick time and vacation time. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated as my timesheet is due this afternoon, and I expect to lose WiFi as soon as we reach our remote location.
I am writing to you from the trunk of a Tesla, so I am in good hands. This is obviously a successful kidnapper who has invested his previous ransom money wisely. The trunk is quite roomy. And quiet. Please don’t feel obligated to CC the police in any response.
Upon reflection, I realize that this diversion comes at an opportune time, as the long hours at work have taken a toll on my personal life. I look forward to this new adventure, which might give me insight into my marriage. My partner has always said I am worth a million bucks, but I’m curious if he thinks I’m worth 3.2 million. In unmarked bills? In under 24 hours? We’ll see. I don’t think he will go full “Liam Nielson” but I do believe he will brave the early withdrawal fee from the 401k.
I am grateful for this opportunity to truly unplug and enjoy some “me time.” If all goes well, I might even have a new location to recommend for our next team retreat! Kindly disregard whatever gibberish I wrote on the Slack channel earlier today. That was the chloroform talking.
Thank you in advance for your consideration and help with this. In the meantime, I’ll sit tight and await your timely response.
Sincerely,
Addison
Customer Service Manager, AWS L4
Seattle