My name is Gordo Munch. You probably know me as one of the big guys that stands near the door of whatever room “Big Boss” Frankle Buggins is in. Yeah, I’m his top goon intimidating guy.
I wasn’t always this criminal golden boy, ya know. I started out just moving large wooden crates with illicit materials around in a big vague warehouse down by da docks. That and and catching rogue ‘good guys’ who thought they could put a stop to Frankle’s very above board business ventures. It all took off once I finally caught The Carpenter. Frankle couldn’t stop buying me drinks and talking about how proud he was that I caught that “wood-making superhero”.
I was the biggest goon in all of California. It was 2021 when I was first named Best Goon by the International Association of Gooning. A title I’ve proudly kept since, even though lately it feels like no one is fighting for it. Sometimes, it even feels like the young goons are making fun of my title.
So, I did some research and discovered what goons are now. I can’t describe how disgusted I am that my lifelong profession has been stolen by these degenerates. I work a hard job and beat up pieces of shit trying to make the world better. Sure, my job is to keep my head down and do what I am told, but I can’t keep my head down for this.
It is my life passion to goon, and I am sick of these fake goons claiming to be goons. These new goons have no idea the amount of work us real goons have put into gooning. I think that’s the important part about all of this too. I am a true goon’s goon. I am your favorite goon’s favorite goon. I always lift up my fellow goons and help them get the job done. I have never once turned on my fellow goon and I don’t intend to do so anytime soon, which is all the more reason that I have to stand up for something like this.
Stop stealing being a goon from us real goons.