SYRIA – Citing the vast amount of hours it takes to coordinate a successful suicide attack on a major metropolitan area, terrorist Rahim Abdhullah al-Ahman is afraid he may not get to finish his Breaking Bad binge before carrying out his plan of destruction.
“I knew I started it too late,” al-Ahman said. “Everyone kept telling me, ‘You have to see it, you have to see it. Bryan Cranston is a revelation.’ I waited too long and now here I am, wondering if I’ll ever see how things play out with Gus Fring.”
The terrorist, once eager to punish the infidels for their sins and ascend to heaven as quickly as possible, has tried to postpone the attack on a bustling local marketplace, but to no avail.
“It’s a bureaucratic nightmare to change everything at this point,” al-Ahman said. Still, he is holding out hope that he can set aside enough time for a few uninterrupted all-night marathons.
“The Quran says, ‘Those who are careful of their duty to their Lord, they shall have gardens beneath which rivers flow and entertainment from their Lord,'” al-Ahman said. “But I’ve got to wonder, what are the odds that Allah’s heavenly entertainment is going to be as rich and compelling as watching the evolution of Walt and Jesse’s relationship?”
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