Life is so stressful! Everyone’s facing more challenges at work, more worries about their relationships, and more fear that democracy as we know it is crumbling. It’s enough to leave anyone frazzled! But don’t worry – here are some self-care tips to help ease your mind while the country falls deeper and deeper into a shit spiral.
Meditate
Worried about the Trump presidency taking a big ol’ dump on America’s system of checks and balances? When unbridled panic starts creeping up your throat, try meditation! Sit cross-legged on a pillow, take a deep breath, and cry uncontrollably. If you need a bit more, take the pillow you’re sitting on and scream into it. Scream loud. Scream long. If you pass out from exhaustion, congratulations! You’ve meditated successfully.
Exercise
Our president’s latest tweet got you in a tizzy? Go for a run! Keep running. Don’t stop until you collapse, your lungs burning and gasping for air. Not a runner? Try boxing! Punch your living room wall until your hands turn into nothing more than a morass of blood and broken bones. Problem solved! You won’t give two shits about Twitter when you can’t even type!
Enjoy a Book
Afraid we’ll all die in a giant nuclear mushroom cloud? Don’t fret! Turn down the lights, grab your favorite book and curl up on your bedroom floor. Hit your head with the book. Hard. Do this over and over until your pain overwhelms your fear. Remember, books are fundamental! Especially when your book is a hardcover edition!
Speak Your Mind
Suffer from an annoying co-worker or an alt-right uncle? Every time someone mentions MAGA or says something else that’s racist, stare them dead in the eye and start screeching. I know it seems self-indulgent, but give it a try! The higher-pitched your screeching is, the better. Don’t stop until the person has left the room or punches you in the face; either way, they’ve stopped talking, so you win!
Embrace Hygge
What’s hygge? It’s a phrase people in Denmark, a country with a functioning democracy and universal healthcare, use to describe cozy relaxation. Do as the Danes do! Start a fire in that fireplace you’ve never used and put on those wool socks Great Aunt Mary gave you last Christmas after you stopped screeching at her. I recommend you start your fire with copies of the US Constitution. If you don’t have any copies of that lying around, the Bill of Rights or speeches by George Washington or Martin Luther King work as well. Stare at the fire, laugh maniacally (or cry – your choice!), and watch America’s ideals go up in flames!
Express Your Feelings
Has our president said or done something so stupid, so racist and/or so dictator-like that your heart fills with existential dread? Don’t dwell on it! Jump onto the comment section of your favorite political Facebook post and engage with people online! Respond to every commenter you disagree with, and keep responding to every one of their hate-filled replies. Do this for at least twelve hours, and you’ll be so consumed with internal rage you won’t remember what fear feels like!
Be sure to give one (or all!) of these tips a try! Remember, you’ve got nothing to lose but your sanity!