Stormtrooper
You’ll get universal healthcare, but it’s administered by a large, intractable bureaucracy, like everything in the Empire. And if you get shot in battle, the other Stormtroopers are going to leave you there, so good luck not bleeding out on Hoth from an easily-stitched head wound.
Smuggler
How good are you at smuggling prescription drugs?
Male Senator
Whether your appendages are alien or humanoid, your erectile dysfunction drugs will be covered by your taxpayer-funded insurance.
Female Senator
Yes, technology is so advanced a literal robot will deliver your baby, but you’ll still die in childbirth.
Queen’s Decoy
The queen will make sure you’re getting birth control with no copay – thank you Naboo matriarchy! – but you’re still likely to die young in a poorly planned assassination attempt, so the pros and cons balance out here.
Sith Lord
Sith lords have included the most decrepit old man in the galaxy, a dude whose body is literally a mobile ventilator, an elderly alien who seems to have undergone a major facial reconstruction, and an angsty idiot who quickly recovers from some serious lightsaber wounds. So yeah, the healthcare coverage is solid.
Rebel Fighter Pilot
Your annual checkups are covered, but you’ll be shot out of the sky well before it’s time for your second one.
Moisture Farmer
When you applied to this job it said “healthcare coverage,” but what they meant was they would give you money with which to buy healthcare coverage from someone else. You’d complain to higher-ups, but you’re a moisture farmer. Even you aren’t sure what your job is. Here’s hoping the Tatooine Healthcare Exchange is easy to use and that it rains in the desert someday soon.
Jedi
Here’s a coupon for herbal supplements and a book about meditation. That’s your healthcare now.