Environmentalists everywhere will be stunned when they hear about this major eco-friendly win out of Myanmar. Instead of burning off Rohingya in pits and releasing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, Myanmar has decided to reduce its minority footprint in alignment with the Paris Agreement! Military junta officials have announced they will repurpose the country’s Rohingya population as compost, setting the standard for 21st century eco-friendly ethnic cleansing.
Incredible news! It’s so good to see a military junta taking advantage of the world’s most abundant renewable resource and using it responsibly.
After rounding up a group of forced volunteers, soldiers instruct them to dig large ditches, churning the soil to release essential nutrients, like nitrogen. Once the ditches are large enough, men, women, and children of all ages fall gracefully into the pits, saving the junta from firing environmentally unfriendly lead bullets into their heads. Soldiers then cover the living Rohingya, without using plastic, to provide food for the earth in a remarkably natural way.
“This is the most environmentally conscious effort in recent memory to exterminate an entire group of people,” said Jessie Shelby, a researcher at Greenpeace. “We only get one Earth. We need to take care of it.”
We couldn’t agree more! The long-lasting effects of this have to be pretty great too because during the monsoon season, bone fragments and other calcium-rich deposits can seep into the water supply, meaning this is a major win for villagers who might otherwise have contaminated water sources and lack essential vitamins.
Improving the health of Myanmar’s non-Muslim majority and the planet are reasons why the country eagerly anticipates a United Nations inspection. Junta officials say that when UN inspectors arrive to investigate the biodegradable Rohingya, they can expect to see large patches, sometimes stretching hundreds of yards, of new, lush mass greenery.
It’s pretty safe to say all countries seeking sustainable genocide should use this model, so good on Myanmar for taking charge and leading by example to guarantee the country will be 100% Rohingya-free by 2020.