1. To work in public relations, you must relate publicly like no other. No private relations, no family relations, no sexual relations with White House interns.
2. To work in public relations, you must acknowledge the “L” in “Public.” Take away this “L,” and you’re looking at a slightly more demanding career path.
3. To work in public relations, you must never say you work in public relations. You work in PR – it’s sexy, short, and snappy like a seductive baby carrot.
4. To work in PR, you must make John Wayne Gacy look like John Wayne. Your client is flawless, confident, unbreakable. The extramarital affairs, dogfighting rings, bestiality claims – all hogwash. BEST-iality is more like it.
5. To work in PR, you must write cerebral thought pieces and receive zero credit. Your client is a genius. Claiming that that brilliant byline in The New York Times was your doing could be your undoing.
6. To work in PR, you must celebrate “wins.” Your sustainable laundry detergent client was mentioned in an esteemed dry cleaning trade publication. You won.
7. To work in PR, you must begin all emails with “hope.” You hope all is well. You hope they had a great weekend. But don’t kid yourself; there is no hope.
8. To work in PR, everyone must hate you. Journalists. Your client. Your family. Even a little-known Old Testament prophet hated you 2,000 years ago.
9. To work in PR, you must preempt the turd, minimize the splash, flush promptly, and wipe down the evidence before someone smells bullshit.
10. To work in PR is to realize you’ve been the turd this entire time.