THE SPIRIT REALM – Faced with the prospect of yet another holiday spent futilely trying to scare some humanity into Donald Trump, the Ghost of Christmas Future became visibly despondent and withdrawn today.
“Man. Forty-eight years. It’s been forty-eight years and… nothing. It’s almost like it fuels him,” the Specter of Things to Come said.
Though in that time the ghost has shown Trump a variety of horrors that lie ahead – with each year bringing exponentially more – to date none have succeeded in producing any fear, humility, sadness, revulsion, or remorse, with only anger and boasting being witnessed in the man.
Examples of the ghost’s dark visions include failed marriages, estranged children, bankrupted businesses, lawsuits, a “pee tape,” treasonous acts, and near-global disgust and hatred, but so far none have made any kind of impact on his charge.
“Last year I showed him the nuclear holocaust he might yet be responsible for,” the Spirit of All That Is to Be said. “Motherfucker just goes, ‘Would you look at that? Biggest explosion you’ve ever seen. Tremendous!'”
And while the thought of yet another evening with Trump weighs heavily on the ghost, he’s made it very clear he has no plans on shirking his responsibility.
“It’s me and Mueller. We’re the only chance anybody’s got,” the Phantom of the Impending Dawn said. “But I hope this wraps up soon. I was supposed to be over at Jeff Bezos’ house fifteen years ago.”
